My name is Shyam and this would be my very first blog post on Startoverinlife.com!
I wondered about how to begin posting on this site and after much thought, I felt that this article would be the perfect topic to begin my adventure in blogging.
Before I go to the meat and potatoes of the article, I just want to say that this might be the most painful thing ever on this site. The reason for this is not because it’s filled with profanity but because it contains inconvenient truths that we all hate to hear. I will be calling a spade a spade and won’t beat around the bush. So, in case you expect something fuzzy and feel-good in nature, you might as well go elsewhere.
But UNLESS I tell this inconvenient truth, everything else that I add here will be pointless.
I won’t lie to you that life is easy.
I won’t tell you that life is good to everyone and ask you to ‘get over it’. But I WILL tell you something similar, which might make you want to hate me; a lot perhaps…
However, what must be done MUST BE DONE.
If you refuse to swallow this bitter pill about life, your life will be messed up FOREVER!
Hate me if you want after reading this. But you’ll thank me sooner or later.
Without further adieu, here the bitter pill that you must swallow right now, if you want to fix your life…
If your life is a mess,
IT’S YOUR FAULT! IT’S YOUR FAULT AND YOURS ALONE!
Plain and simple.
No beating around the bush. No feel-good apologist nonsense.
Just the plain, painful and inconvenient truth.
It would be great if people took things with an open heart in the beginning itself but they usually don’t. They give excuses. They do everything to avoid confronting painful truths.
I know I did.
I HATED it when I was told the above statement.
I HATED the idea that it was MY fault that my life was a mess.
So, at this point, you might just say (like I did at one point in my life),
“Whoah….wait just a minute! Are you telling me that I am responsible for the mess in my life? Because if THAT’S what you are saying, it’s TOTALLY UNFAIR! It’s NOT entirely my fault! What about (XYZ)?”
I DON’T CARE.
Because obviously, the truth hurts. And the truth is that your situation is the result of your own attitude, choices and actions.
I have been in the same situation that you are probably in now. There was a time when even I refused to accept this. I challenged it, argued against it (even if it was in my mind) and I did everything else I possibly could to convince myself otherwise.
So, I get what you feel and I am there with you!
The truth is that most people just want to hear that everything wrong in their life is the fault of someone else. They want to hear that they are the victims of someone else and not themselves.
Because it feels good. You get a sense of inner peace and self-consolation that YOU are not to blame.
You see, as humans, WE LOVE BLAMING OTHERS because we have an innate hatred for criticism. In order to escape from this criticism (which is what personal responsibility basically is…), we clutch at straws in an effort to quell the feelings of criticism and nagging. This shows itself externally in the form of expecting the ENTIRE WORLD to be at blame for what has gone wrong.
Even Dale Carnagie, the author of the book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence people’, talked about how people don’t like criticism. His very first lesson to everyone was this:
“Do not criticize, condemn or complain”.
In all, It’s an easy cop-out for escaping from REALITY & PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.
ESPECIALLY PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.
LET ME EMPHASIZE THAT. PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.
Yep, that’s what it all comes down to.
ACCEPTING PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.
Accept it does not mean at 90% or even 99% but rather 100%. Make that 110%. Maybe more. Go crazy and insane over it. But make it a point to accept personal responsibility apply it to EVERYTHING with NO EXCEPTIONS.
What does this mean in real life? It would go something like this:
- Are you fat/skinny/weak? IT’S YOUR FAULT!
- Are you single and lonely? IT’S YOUR FAULT!
- Are you broke? IT’S YOUR FAULT!
- Are you getting bad grades in school or college? IT’S YOUR FAULT!
- Are you depressed? IT’S YOUR FAULT!
- Are you blah, blah, blah… IT’S YOUR FAULT!
As cruel and absurd as it might sound, IT IS YOUR FAULT!
Your life is your own doing/undoing. You build it or destroy it each day with the choices that you make and the attitude that you have.
There is ONE MORE part to the whole personal responsibility thing.
Critics of personal responsibility would begin to complain that a lot of external factors cannot be controlled or changed.
You can read about it in the next part…